Learning from Elisabeth Elliot

A Love Story

Their story rivals the movies—a slow-growing love, long letters, and a deep admiration for one another. Like any classic love story, there was a little family drama sprinkled in and the difficulties of a long-distance relationship. Despite these obstacles, Jim and Elisabeth Elliot married on October 8th, 1953 in Quito, Ecuador. They began their married life in the nearby jungles. Elisabeth writes of many happy days working alongside her husband and raising their daughter, Valerie. A little after three years into their marriage, Jim, along with four other men, was killed attempting to minister to a remote tribe. The following years are an incredible testament to the Lord’s grace in Elisabeth’s life, as she and her daughter returned and served among the very people who killed her husband. After a fruitful ministry to the Wadoni people, Elisabeth and her daughter returned to the United States. In 1969, thirteen years after Jim’s death, Elisabeth married Addison Leitch. Elisabeth described their marriage as one of the greatest gifts in her life. Just four years later however, Addison died of cancer and she was once again left as a widow. In her loneliness and desire to be married, Elisabeth married yet again in 1977, to Lars Gren. She was married to Lars until she went to be with the Lord in 2015.

Heartache

Elisabeth’s third marriage lasted nearly thirty-eight years. Many of her journal entries during this time were destroyed by her late husband, but what is known about these years reveals that they were filled with much difficulty. In Ellen Vaughn’s biography of Elisabeth Elliot, Being Elisabeth Elliot, Vaughn elegantly portrays Elisabeth’s faithful obedience while also presenting some hard truths about her shortcomings and decisions, resulting in much pain. Elisabeth married Lars out of desperation and a desire to quench her loneliness. But time and experience revealed that Lars was not a believer, despite his earlier professions. He was controlling and condescending, and actively isolated Elisabeth from her only daughter.

Reading these chapters in Vaughn’s biography, I was filled with a mixture of deep sadness and frustration. How sad that her longest marriage was also the most painful, with a bitter and controlling man. She would have given anything to spend all her life with Jim, yet she was given just three short years. Her marriage to Addison was marked with many joys, but it lasted only one year longer than her first marriage. And how frustrating that she chose to marry Lars at all, a seemingly unwise choice that led to years of heartache.

An Imperfect Vessel

Even in these bitter providences—the deep loss, loneliness, and relational pain–God used the life of Elisabeth Elliot. Even today, years after her death, people around the world are affected by her faithful example, wise words, and radiant life, lived unto the glory of God. Did she do it without fault? No, she made mistakes that had real consequences. She was imperfect, yet she was still faithful in her pursuit of God and His word. She persevered through the murder of her first husband and the care-filled decline of her second through the ravaging effects of cancer. And she persevered as a faithful wife to a difficult man for thirty-eight years. She never spoke ill of him, and she continued to proclaim the goodness of God in her teaching and writing. In 2017, Lars Gren professed a saving faith in Jesus. Elisabeth did not live to see the fruit of her faithfulness and yet God used it to gain the soul of a man deeply lost.

The Skillful Master

Countless biblical stories showcase similar circumstances—saints who stumbled but ultimately lived faithfully unto the Lord; saints whose work and toil for years upon years produced fruit that they never witnessed. The Christian life can feel long and arduous, and sometimes excruciating. This is captured well in Elisabeth Elliot’s favorite quote:

The cruel chisel destroys a stone with each cut. But what the stone suffers by repeated blows is no less than the shape the mason is making of it. And should a poor stone be asked, 'What is happening to you?' it might reply, 'Don't ask me. All I know is that for my part there is nothing for me to know or do, only to remain steady under the hand of my master and to love him and suffer him to work out my destiny. It is for him to know how to achieve this. I know neither what he is doing nor why. I only know that he is doing what is best and most perfect, and I suffer each cut of the chisel as though it were the best thing for me, even though, to tell the truth, each one is my idea of ruin, destruction and defacement. But, ignoring all this, I rest contented with the present moment. Thinking only of my duty to it, I submit to the work of this skillful master without caring to know what it is.'" (Jean Pierre de Caussade, The Sacrament of the Present Moment)

Elisabeth did not live a faithful life because she was strong and capable, but because she entrusted herself to her skillful Master, who gave her strength and capacity. She submitted herself to the God who is all wise and he used Elisabeth as a vessel for His work and glory. She stumbled along the way, but she lived a life of faithful obedience.

Eternal Hope

We may not have the worldwide recognition of a figure like Elisabeth Elliot, but we do have the opportunity, however imperfectly, to follow the One who promises to use our lives for His glory and our good, the One who is infinitely wise and skillful in his chiseling. He is writing our story and the ending is always eternity with Him. Our lives in the meantime may be painful, perhaps our worst nightmare, but our eyes can rest on eternity where there is fullness of joy forevermore.

Joyful contentment in whatever circumstance comes from the assurance of God’s promises. Paul encourages us in this eternal hopes:

“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal” (2 Corinthians 4:16-18).

So we walk forward, not with the assurance that life will be easy or simple, but with the better promise that God is for us and always will be, even to the end. We walk through pain and grief, knowing that in every circumstance God is making us more like Himself, preparing us to experience the eternal weight of glory. We submit ourselves under the skillful master, knowing that His right hand will hold us until we are received into glory.

Living Faithfully

Our lives may look nothing like Elisabeth Elliot’s life, but we all have the opportunity to live faithfully, as she did. Parenting young children can feel repetitive and messy. Difficult relationships may tempt us to give up and walk away. Our faith may feel beaten down from years of desperate cries to God for a change in our situation. All these challenging circumstances provide the opportunity to emulate a faith like Elisabeth’s. Day by day, we entrust ourselves to the One who knows far better than we do. He may never give us the answer we are looking for on this side of heaven, but he promises to keep us until the end.

The night is dark, but I am not forsaken

For by my side, the Savior, He will stay

I labor on in weakness and rejoicing

For in my need, His power is displayed

To this I hold, my Shepherd will defend me

Through the deepest valley, He will lead

Oh, the night has been won, and I shall overcome

Yet not I, but through Christ in me

(City Alight)