The Posture of Disappointment
Disappointment, according to one definition, is sadness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one’s hopes or expectations.
Disappointment can be felt in small measure and it can be disabling and everything in between. Disappointment can be clear and understandable and disappointment can be a fog machine that fills our thoughts with lies about ourselves and others. Disappointment can travel alone, but it can also ride sidecar on some other grief or suffering. There is also a posture that often comes with disappointment. Head lowered, eyes down, shoulders slumped. Minnesota sports fans know the posture of disappointment well.
When we are struggling with disappointment, friends and neighbors try to help us by correcting our posture: Chin up. Stand tall. Shoulders back.
And no one wants us to wrestle long with disappointment: You’ll get them next time. You’re going to bounce back from this. You have nothing to be ashamed of. This is a blip. You’ve got so much going for you. Be a goldfish.
People mean well when they say these things to us, but I wonder how much we are helped on the deepest level when we try to move on too quickly from disappointment. Our disappointment is an opportunity to learn more about who God is and who we are.
We do need to correct our posture. Eyes down won’t do. Chin up isn’t good enough either. We need to lift our eyes up. This is the only way to get the right perspective on our disappointment.
Psalm 121 says,
“I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come?
My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot by moved; he who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade on your right hand.
The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night.
The Lord will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life.
The Lord will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore.”
The sovereign maker of heaven and earth, who neither slumbers nor sleeps in his care for us, ordained this disappointment. Why? Perhaps it reveals a poisonous discontentment in our hearts. Perhaps disordered love has set us on a disastrous trajectory and this is the correction. Even if our disappointment is just collateral damage of life in a fallen world, it is an opportunity to draw near to God.
In our disappointment we would do well to remember the words of the old hymn:
“Judge not the Lord by feeble sense, but trust him for his grace; behind a frowning providence, he hides a smiling face.”
This reminds us of our need to confess our sins.
Father, forgive us for loving anything more than we love you. Forgive us for hoping in anything more than we hope in you. How often do we set about planning our lives without any regard for who you are or who we are before you. We want you to rubber-stamp our dreams when we’ve given only passive consideration to the condition of our souls. Forgive us for the discontentment our disappointment reveals. We are not fully satisfied in you. Forgive us for the ways we sin in our disappointment, slandering others and seeking to manipulate results. Forgive us, God, for the shameful audacity to stand before the cross of Christ and say to you, “If you really loved me you would have given me this or that or the other thing.” These are great evils, God, and we know that if we harbor sin in our hearts then our prayers will be ineffectual. Forgive us for these sins and the sins we silently confess to you now …
… Father, we lift our eyes to the hills. From where does our help come from? As the mountains surround Jerusalem, so you surround your people. You did not spare your own Son but gave him up for us all, how will you not also with him graciously give us all things? Thank you for the all-satisfying, deepest longing-fulfilling love you have poured out on us in Jesus. Because of Jesus’ life, death and resurrection, we have all that we need and more. We are secure in you and you never slumber or sleep in your keeping of us. We need not regret yesterday, or fear tomorrow, or trust in our own strength to hew out the life we think we should have. You write the better story. Give us grace, Lord, to remember who we are in Christ and to live as your beloved children. In Jesus name, amen.